Memorial

by abrasions

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about

Abrasions's first full length album. Lush guitar soundscapes, funeral synths, and passionate dreamlike vocals take you on an intensely personal, emotional journey across nine diverse tracks.

credits

released 29 November 2009

written and arranged by Jay Ericson

performed by Jay Ericson and Jay M. Blanch
recorded by J Ericson at theWound and Joel Montgomery at Popsmear Studios, summer 2009
mixed and mastered by Scott Llamas

photography by Jared Warren
design by Jay Ericson

thank you: Dad, Mom, Jay, Jared, Tianna, Ryan, Limnus, Scott, Joel, Adam, Matt, Christopher Jon, Jake, Celeste, Otto, Hedwig, and all those who tried to help over the years.

this record is dedicated in loving memory to
Adrienne Chapman Ericson
1952-2009



website: www.abrasivemusik.net
contact: abrasivemusik@gmail.com

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feeds for this album, this artist
Track Name: Angel
i kept his heart in my back pocket
in case of emergencies
i broke his heart and then i locked it
to keep out the misery

he's not even a real man
just the reflection on the side of a black van

his angels are my demons now
painted in black and white
they lurk in every corner of this town
and haunt me all day and night

and still, i always see you
at the top of the hill...
Track Name: Dreamer
sometimes silence pretends it's a sound
arrogantly screaming from underground
"listen to me!"

as the life you couldn't live declines
to fleeting thoughts and lost time
won't you ever stop to wonder why
you never even tried?

sinking slowly
to that perfect place inside
how can you turn away from the world
with closed eyes?

do you surrender the day?
it's easy
it can all go away if you give in

all those things you'll never say
will have more meaning
if they're locked and chained within

and all those moments you left behind
will dissipate in due time
safe and silent in this pathetic lie
as you cower from the outside

sinking slowly
to that lonely place inside
won't you miss the life you denied
with closed eyes?

idle fool, with complacency
you let it pass you by
all those things just might have been within reach
if you'd only tried...

-

try and try as you may
it's hard enough just being something...
though you'll dream of "some day"
you just sleep and stay as nothing.

so just sleep and stay as nothing
pretend you'll find another way
just sleep and stay as nothing
like you did yesterday

like you do every day...
like you will do today...
Track Name: Descent
the shadows making faces all around
will criticize and call until you choose
to separate yourself from the crowd
so ignorant of how much you're soon to lose...

am i to dread their mocking faces?
is every word i say to be buried
by the closed oppressive ways they hold to scared
ere i plague their sick society?

unable to relate their shadowed faces
i cower in the corner of my beliefs
so foreign to the life i once held sacred
and to think, this is only the beginning...
Track Name: Year
i cannot end it all, i've tried
but i guess i really need a friend
to assist my suicide
so i won't be lonely in the end

drunk and way out of my mind
i'll make promises we'll both forget
until i make it back inside
and sleep beside the things that i regret

when i told her so, she cried
but not for reasons that she can defend
'cause she was out there getting high
while i was in here going down again

i guess that that makes it alright
but really, what's it matter in the end?
our hearts have left us far behind
this hollow shell's the only thing that's left

i cannot end it all, i've tried
but i guess i really need a friend
i think i'll lose myself tonight
will you carry me to bed again...?
Track Name: The Waiting Wall
nothing left to feel now
but the cold floor of this barren, bereaved cell
some light filters through the ceiling
mocking me like memories...

i am the shit that hides in shame
the most selfish hermit whose wisdom's turned to waste
resigned to lost time, and self imposed isolation
while smiling cynically: "there's safety in nothing."

i'd give anything to feel again
scribbling these words on the floor of what's left of my mind
charcoal drawings i pray will be found
and maybe someday, pieced together, explain it all

this wall...why must i break this wall?
Track Name: All Ashes
one by one they dive into
that darker place just out of view
leaving us on the edge of the end
as they descend

staring down the abyss
seeing nothing there but despair
as above us, their ashes fall

raining down on us who are left behind
crawling, we cherish what fragments we find
memories, muddied with tears...

i can see it now, the everlasting silence
swallowing all in the darkness from which we were born
the aching inside of being without
solidified by bitterness and doubt

writhing in the mud of their ashes
burning our eyes with the shame and the hollow
as we call out to them down that path we cannot follow

"no!" the screaming
the grieving, the praying
the suffering...
it's all wrong.

"no!" denial
you knew them, you needed them
you can't see them...
now they're gone.

and they'll be no less gone tomorrow.
Track Name: She was a Vessel
she wasn't a part of the dream
but she wanted to be
she wasn't anything to me
but she changed everything

as far as i know, they drowned in the shower
though it didn't happen then, it took a few hours...
i left them alone and wept like a coward
longing for the hope that moment devoured

like the footprints on the tub floor
they washed it away
years of fears and metaphors
clogging the drain

if i had done differently
could it have changed?
i ask myself that question
every day

though i had his heart
i was too afraid
our love was to depart
but i chose to remain

and as i watched his shadow fading
across an ocean of pain
her body was the vessel
that took him away

her body was a vessel
to take him away.
Track Name: Some Days
why did i do that?
was it for this moment?
or this one...?
maybe one of them will be worthwhile.

i had everything.

all my life, i've never kept an actual promise
this is no exception.

yet there i was, playing the victim
hurting myself every night as if that justified it
cowering in my corner
as the world
my life
their lives
withered away around me...

what does any of it mean now?

i needed to stop calling him while drunk
i needed to stop blaming everything on her
i needed to stop hoping someday, someone would come and save me
as if there was something they could save me from...

all my life, i've been dreaming of dreams
but some days i just have to wake up.